I remember someone commented below one of my photos, and asked me: are you never afraid around Batman? And I think that is a very important question.
Because I can be very afraid, and I still struggle with anxiety after our many accidents. I am so far from a brave rider you can possibly get! I can be terrified of riding Batman in open, windy areas like fields or beaches. Who would think that based on the photos of us cantering in a field tackless? Well, the truth is that it is absolutely possible to have anxiety when it comes to riding in open areas, but be able to canter through a large field on a good day.
It all depends on how it feels that day. Batman can be spooky, and even through his nerves are better than they used to be, my mind remembers it so very well, back in the days, when a person walking down the road could scare Batman so much that he just ran away and I had no chance of stopping him. I remember it so well. I will never forget the feeling of losing control as the horse accelerate from 0 to 100 km/h in the matter of seconds and it goes so fast that you can barely see, all you know is that there is no way to stop the horse because he is simply blocking you and everything else out. He fears for his life and he is running from the danger. That’s the most terrifying feeling EVER.
I can still feel the fear of losing control in open areas. I don’t feel very brave when I shake before a small canter in a field at home …
Batman stopped bolting many years ago. The past three years he has barely spooked with me. He is usually calm and relaxed, if he gets scared the worst thing he can do is to jump a few meters forward. No problem. But unfortunately, knowing that does not always help on my anxiety, as my body literally prepares to fall off and die every time I can feel his heartbeat go faster and I know that he is seeing or hearing something I can’t. We have had some pretty ugly falls together, and one of them was a winter when snow started to fall from the arena’s roof, and the door was only halfway open. Batman saw the 1 meter wide door and ran towards it. It was blocked with a tall barrel. He jumped over the barrel in panic, though the 1 meter wide door with me on. I fastened my leg in the door, and got thrown several meters in the air, halfway on and halfway stuck in the stirrup before I hit the ice outside. It was hard, thick ice. It literally felt like all my intensities came out. I could simply not walk or stand afterwards, and cried all night because of the horrible pain in my pelvis and back.
But of course, nothing like that happens anymore! It is years ago since last time. Batman is SO calm most of the time, and if he is not, I know that long before something happens so I can simply dismount. I am thankfully not scared of riding in arenas anymore, but if I can hear a noise from outside, I feel horrible anyway. Unsafe and scared, because I have injured myself so badly before and am aware that there is a limit on how many more concussions my head can take. I know Batman simply does not bolt anymore. He never runs away when he is scared. I will basically always manage to jump off if anything happens. I know this. But my body and mind remember so very well the feeling of being completely helpless as the horse starts running right into the dense woods and you know that you simply can’t stop him.
I really had to challenge myself and face my fear on our first beach ride. We had never been to the place before, it was a huge open area, the horses could run 5 km back to the trailer if they got loose or spooked and I cantered on that beach tackless. It was a huge step for me, and I was so proud afterwards. It went amazing.
I have been traumatized. But I can’t let that keep me from having fun with Batman, so I chose to challenge my fear every single day. I push myself, over and over again. And every time I do, I feel a little safer next time.
Most days, Batman is his normal self. Down to earth, calm and relaxed. Canter bareback and bridleless through a field? No problem. He is mostly easy to communicate with. He is also a horse who ALWAYS stands like a rock if he can feel me being scared. Sometimes I can actually shake while sitting on his back… And instead of getting nervous about that, he supports me; as I support him when I can feel him getting nervous. But some days, he can be spooky and highly sensitive to every single noise or movement, and on days like that, no way I’m taking the bridle off.
It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to take precautions. We are handling animals six times our size, with instincts. We have to be careful. I love Batman with all my heart and I trust him, we have a great bond, we know each other very well. You can have that and anxiety at the same time. And it is okay.
But please, don’t stop challenging yourself; the magic often happens beyond the comfort zone. Take your time. Breathe. Praise your horse a lot. Safety first. Take precautions. Have a bombproof fjord horse or something by your side. And try! And it is so wonderful when you dare to push yourself, and it feels amazing afterwards. And with time, the anxiety might fade out, and the fears will be an old memory hidden in your head.
«Try and fail, but never fail to try»
Do you struggle with anxiety when riding horses? If so, how do you handle it? Please share your thoughts below.
Peace, love and Friesian hugs,
Batman & Matilde
23 comments
For two years I have been sceard of riding bareback. The spring of 2013 i fell of the horse i own today bareback and in an halter. ( Stupid me ) After that fall I have been afraid of any caind of down hils and raiding bareback. This summer i got over the fear of riding bareback and now I raid more bareback then with sadel. But I still fears down hills and I work on it all the time. Were I live it is down hills everywere.
Hello matilde :)
I am struggeling with anxiety too but i try to push myself and most of the time I’m glad I did it :) right now I have much bigger problems to handle the anxiety of my horse which is only 5 years old and doesn’t feel comfortable outside.. I started clicker training and want to try liberty to build up her self esteem and trust but I don’t know what’s the best thing to start with if you have an anxious horse who is not used to giving you attention from the ground. In the arena she simply ignores me and would only come to me if I offer treats that’s the only way I seem to get her attention.. Can you give me some advice? :)
Josephine
Wow, its awesome that You have the Courage to Talk about this! The horse i used to ride was horrible to jump and I will Start jumping with my New horse next week and I’m quite scared due to the Bad memories i have with the old horse.
A year ago my horse kicked herself In her leg while cantering not once not twice, she kicked herself 3 times and she always had a break for 3 weeks afterwards. When we were able to canter again I was so afraid! I cantered as slow as possible and only a few steps because I didn’t want her to get in pain again. I took me 3 months to realize that she wouldn’t kick herself again and slowly I started to get more confident. She was never afraid. She loves cantering! Luckily I haven’t got that fear Anymore! It’s always hard to let go of fear and I can totally agree with your fear! This fall had to be terrible… But you wrote this perfectly I’m sure you will lose this fear more and more :)
Never with Puch, though I used to be a little bit scared long ago when ge got “crazy” and stallion-like from the ground when I lead him past like a field of running horses. Not for me, but because I was scared of dropping him so he would run away and hurt himself. If he got going he was unstoppable, he has an extremely high pain-tolernce and is very strong, so if he started bucking away I just held on for his life and flew behind like a glove. The problem was like the problem some dogs can have when they see other dogs, they go crazy and pull.
But not anymore. He pretty much never get crazy anymore, after a lot of training and even if he do I tought him to stand still and control himself. And after handling the crazy 0-2 year old warmbloods at school he is NOTHING haha! Much stronger, but oh my those horses are crazy sometimes.
I had an accident with my horse half a year ago, where he fell together with me and onto me. I couldn’t ride for 3 Month but thankfully nothing happend to my horse! (He’s a Friesian too so he was a bit too heavy for my leg.) I then visited him every week and he was so sweet and cared so much about me! He accepted the crutches immedeately because he saw me and that gave me so much hope! When I was able to ride again I was happy, but also afraid this could happen again. First I always rode with a friend but one day she had no time so I went for a ride in the fields on my own. My horse was so scared outside since the accident and this day he was afraid about everything. People, Children, Houses and simply the air. It was horrible because I was afraid, he was afraid, and I still had pain in my feet. But we went on and then home. After that I went riding in the fields only with a friend, and if she couldn’t I rode in the arena. He is still not the same as before the accident, but he gets more and more secure the more often I ride, and so do I. For all of you having fear: Just don’t give up. I thought a lot about my situation as the doctors couldn’t say If I could walk as before at first. But you only have two option. You can sit around and cry because it will never ever be the same. You may have pain everyday, You may never ride as good as before because of fear, and your horse may never be as secure as before the accident. But this is pointless. So instead I taught me to be thankful. Thankful for my prayers, my family, my friends and all supporters. It could have gone so much worse, so instead of mourning about the situation be thankful for you being alive and your horse being unharmed. Keep fighting, as I kept fighting and proved some doctors wrong to walk (nearly) normal. Keep fighting against the fear, as I kept fighting and always will keep fighting against it. You won’t forget about this fear, but you will learn how to handle it.
Thank you Mathilde to talk about this!! It’s such an important theme!
I follow you on instagram and I think your amazing think I’m of being in your shoes with Batman as my horse gives me the chill bumps!! I have a horse that is 15.0 and sitting on him makes me scared. I think your so amazing and Batman as well!!! ❤️❤️
Oh I know that feeling!
I had two big accidents with Nero (I know him since 10/2014). Fitst of all I have to say, he is a drafthorse with a weight of about 950kg.
The first time he fell, when he cantered through a slippery curve and lost controll of his legs…and my leg laid under his body. I can’t feel anything in my knee now! It’s dead!
The second time was a few weeks ago on a hack. He just started jumping forward and left and right and up and down. I got thrown in Front of him and he ran just over me. He was really carefull not to hit me with his huge legs and hoofs…but he did though…it’s a hard time at the Moment, because my hands are shaking everytime I want to get up on his back. But I just do it. It’s the only way to get rid of the anxiety, I think.
Sorry for the long Story ^^
Xxx from Germany
Hi there!
I think you are brave!
The hardest thing in the word is saying youre affraid. And you do it in the best possible way.
Ive had horse all my life, and expirienced a lot of good things, but also a lot of bad.
You are right tho: the feeling of no controle is the worst ever!
3 years ago, i had a wake up call.
No my horse didnt buck, it didnt get spooked, he was steady as a rock.
I had just bourght him. First ride home.
I finished and wanted to walk him cold.
I jumped down on uneven ground on a field.
Done it 1000 times before.
But my foot twist. …..and as i was wearing spurs, i didnt just breake bones, i cut over the tendons and ligaments.
And as i was sitting on the ground, looking at my horse (that was pussled because i was saying a lot of not so nice things very quickly ) it hit me: oh my god, if he threw me off.
This was a dismount on purpose…what if he took controle and we were going 100 km/h and i flew off?? Im not young anymore.
And then all the accidents came back.
I find myself scared sometimes.
But as you say: sometimes you have to push yourself over the limit.
The best things in life often happens when you are NOT in controle.
Ive learned that i can sit on my horse and be shakingly scared, but when ive done what we set out to do, it feels like i can fly!
And the horse?
He feel it too ☺
And its that feeling, that makes the worry and scaredness ok in the end, and why its worth pushing through.
Thank you for speaking out about these things – oh, I know the feeling so well! After the accidents I’ve had, it’s sometimes so hard to overcome the instincts, the basic feelings of fear and tension when you so much as even think of something going wrong… But there is also place for courage and trust, and they, the horses, reward us so much for conquering our fears. When I took my gelding to the beach a year ago and he was tense and nervous, it might have seemed a crazy idea, but I trusted my gut and took his bridle off – that day, we had our first bridleless gallop on the seaside, and we were so free. Fearful at first, yes, but free…
I had horses my howle life, sinds I was born we had little horses, they never did anything, but I became to big, so we had to sell them, a year later we wanted an another horse, we went to friends of us, he had an castraded horse, 3 years old an big Haflinger, the first time I rode on him (we didn’t bought him yet) it went wel, but when I could ride by my selve he got away I lossed control, I felt with my back on the gate, it hurted so much! My howle back was open, I cryed so hard, but I don’t know how, but I was in love with that horse, his caracter was amazing, I saw something in him, I loved him. So we bought him, sometimes I think, wasn’t it the biggest mistake of my life? I rode him a few times with a girl how was bigger, so helped me with him, I almost never rode him, and didn’t fall off…. That’s girl is now gone, but in that time, once Boy (so is my horse called) ran away again, I faild of him, very little next to an tree, I was so scared, now I have to incredible girl riding my horse, but I’m scared to ride my own horse, I don’t dare to get up my own horse again, terryble isn’t it? I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do anymore…
When I was younger I had no fear what so ever. I was able to do anything go anywhere with my first horse. We had an exceptional relationship as we both grew up together. He was 13 months and I was 13. We shared 21 years together. I have been blessed with many other great horses and I didn’t have much fear until after I had my child 31 years ago. At that point it took awhile for me to get back up. After I conquered this fear my daughter started riding with me. Then times changed and I was horseless for about 18 years. Now I am back and at 60 years old I have a huge amount of fear. I was able to save two young Arabians from slaughter. They are sweet and I have been doing much from the ground but getting on is so scary. They will be three this summer. Hopefully I will be able to make a couple of nice riding horses. My hope! My dream.
I have had one bad accident with a poor, retired racehorse. He was lame in both front feet, but I and neither the owner was experienced enough to become aware of that(long story, false vet-documents etc). He suddenly bolted when trotting on the beach, and went complete maniac! I was so lucky that day, because only a few meters from the concrete I hit when I flew off (the beach was close to a garage), there was a ditch with huge rocks. I can’t even imagine what could happen if I landed head-first in between those rocks. When I hit the concrete, my helmet shattered. I must have been guarded by an angel that day, I only got a minor concussion – no injuries exept from some pretty ugly bruces on my forehead :p
I rarely feel scared while riding, though. Maybe some times, if riding horses I don’t know so well. I usually ride a Norwegian Nordlandshest, and he has only spooked once, and that day was horrible! It was so windy, but I insisted on riding inside the arena. Well, stupid… Prins(Prince) didn’t trust me at the time and I fell off two times before I finally managed to calm him down enough to get the blanket back on and get the hell out! Plastic walls slammering against iron bars is not a pleasant sound ;)
Today I am actually most afraid when handling horses on the ground. I was kicked by a crazy one year-old gelding once, not so cool. My arm hurt, but my self-esteem hurt the most. I think the main reason I am this fearfull of handling horses now is because I’ve just had a baby. I got so anxious while I was pregnant, terrified if some horse would suddenly bolt or kick and hurt me or the baby. I hope I can overcome some of that fear later when I start riding again! Love this post btw, great that you show that even wonderwomen and other superheroes like you guys also have a weak spot ;)
Thank you so much for writing this blog! This gives me so much hope with my horses. When you see all the beautiful pictures you never know what it took to get there till now.
I’m trying to get back on my horses after a bad fall, this will help me get back to it.
Thank you!
I feel the same way sometimes when I ride my horse
I had a pretty nasty fall earlier in the year. I worked a horse for a client that was too afraid to ride her horse. I was warned what he was capable of and what he didn’t like when riding. It was going well until someone stepped into the arena (they had been standing there the whole time I was riding) this horse took the as a chance to spook sideways and then buck. He fly bucked me so bad my coach says all four of his feet where way over a meter off the ground. As he landed I felt him take off in a gallop. I decided to let go seeing as I was already half way off and my feet were coming out the stirrups. I landed flat on my back and winded myself soo bad I passed out. Iv have soo scared to ride since then, I will stand next to a horse and tremble. The horse I normally ride is a brat for lack of a better work and likes suddenly spooking sideways with no warning. He is highly intelligent and know that’s I’m scared so is now using that against me. I really don’t know what to do. That fall was one of the worse falls I had. And now I’m I’m too scared to ride most horses. It they take off in a flat gallop I can handle it, not when they buck. So I’m still figuring out a way to challenge myself.
I don’t struggle with fear as much as I struggle with anger. On the other hand anger is a form of fear, it’s a defence mekanism, so it’s exactly the same thing. My horse has moments when he is afraid of the most ridicculouse things and I struggle with patience and empathy. My spontanious reaction is usually irritation, witch does not help at all. The only thing that actually works is to be super relaxed and loving and start to work on a positive distraction.
A long time ago we had a close call when he was a jungster. We were quite a long way from home and when we turned to walk home suddenly an addrenaline ruch came over my horse. He had seen something in the distance.
He got totally tense, so I dismounted. The horse stood with it’s head hig, nostrills flearing making distresse calles, rearing on the spot getting ready to bolt.
In that moment you realise there is nothing you can do, exept captain abondome ship or stay till it sinks. My ship was sinking and I decided I would stay beside it. I can’t make this horse stay with me, he needs to make the disition himself. But how can I make him pay attention to me?
Suddenly it happened. I was in the zone! I did not care if the horse would stay or not I just stood there infront of him with my body relaxed like I was sleeping, gently stroking him with the palm of my hand. Titanic was sinking and I was the orcestra calmly playing soft music.
The horse was shaking, full of adrenalin but he did not bolt. I would not move or change my deminour untill I could feel him dropping his head and relaxing, not untill I reocignised his eyes again. I don’t know how many minutes we stood there, it was probably a while.
This was my only option, it would not have mattered if it would not have worked. Becouse simply I realised that thera are no options, not if I wanted this horse to trust me ever again. Had I become irritated, dominant and angry the horse would take it as a que to bolt.
That’s why I try to get in the zone before I go riding and tell my self; no matter what stupied little mailbox, kitten or what ever my horse is going to get oppset about today I will be polite, comforting and treat him like a baby deer. Anger and irritation does simply not help at all, it’s totally the opposite and makes the reaktion of fear grow even bigger.
Horse sees mailbox, horse gets scared, human becomes scary, horse panics. Next day; horse see mailbox, horse panic.
Just like Pavlovs dogs.
It is dangerous to be angry at a horse, it can teache him things you never wished you had. To be angry is to be afraid.
I’m still a bit of a nervous rider because I’m so new to it all. I’ve been riding on and off for the course of three years, but it hasn’t been consistent enough for me to actually improve the way I want to (school, work, and money to thank for that). And I started off late (first lesson at 19). So every time I’m in the saddle, I try to calm myself down and remind myself that I love these animals and to just be mindful.
I’ve only fallen off once and it was off a pony and was not bad at all, but I’m waiting for the day where I will fall off and it’ll be worse. It’s inevitable with the sport, of course. But I’m hoping I’ll improve enough to avoid it.
Thank you and Batman for being such an inspiration. I’ve been caring for horses more than I’ve been riding them, and want one of my own someday. Your account gives me hope that it can still be magical.
Thank you for sharing your fears, I have learned to shake off negative thoughts when I am riding, if I feel a negative thought entering my head, I simply chase it away with a positive one. I have learned that I can do this, or give up riding, I don’t want to give up my riding! I wish I could have learned tricks when I was very young, like vaulting and falling correctly, I am making sure my horse crazy girl learns these skills so she can be prepared when something happens. I love your photos and your horse and you! X
I know what you mean because I fell of with jumping many many times before, so right now I’m always a little afraid when we jump higher. But when I read about the accidents you’ve had I think you and Batman are doing great! I mean I wouldn’t just canter on the beach and open fields tackless like that and I don’t think I’m the only one. You can really be proud of yourself and Batman with the things you’ve achieved!
I really needed this post right now, it’s so awesome. Right now after a pretty bad fall I’m really struggling to go and see my horse because I’m just simply afraid (and it hurts to move), and this post of yours is really in the right time for me. For now I’ll be struggling to ride, I am really afraid, and I just simply can’t ride for a time. But for now, I will do some basic groundwork, which is the right solution for me and my horse. I am so scared to go back in the saddle, but I hope that everything will be fine. Love your blog x
Hi, my horse is a seven year old Friesian and he has been with me for two years now. He is very proud and self confident, but only his own view of things counts. If he finds something is scary it doesn’t matter that other horses or me do tell him that everything is fine. He will just run off home. Especially when I am on the ground and he knows he can get loose, because he is stronger. Cobus is very talented and awesomely clever, learning tricks and things very fast, but at the same time he shows people that you only can have fun with him if he wants to. He loves liberty, he prefers it to normal work from the ground with a halter, because then he has got the option. Then he stays with you with his attention! So I always have to find the right dose when riding in the fields and the woods: working on scary objects but not completely terrifying him, then the switch falls and off he goes! Especially moving objects in the distance are unbearable (horses cantering e.g.). My 14 year old daughter fell off him on a ride around our barn because the owner of our last stable CANTERED HOME when they were pretty close! So he spooked and turned round, she managed to ride a small circle, but then he threw his head in the air and bolted. Horrible! Now I am training even harder, we changed barns, he has hay ad libidum and a companion he can struggle with. Maybe it will be better now. I show him nearly everything which scares him, always anxious myself of course. Still remembering those days when he would not even stay with me on the outside arena! Now I know we have already made a large step and there is only one way: forward! Always challenging ourselves! Sometimes I feel like nearly throwing up on his back because of fear, but I know it will only become better when I block my feelings and go on working with this f***ing situation.
As Matilde I have to tell everyone: learn to cope with your fear and go on!!
So, I’ve had this wonderful mare named Sadie for a year now. Even though I’ve only had for that long, she seems to extend quite a bit of trust to me. When I walk next to her when a friend rides her she doesn’t listen to her rider, she listens to me. She goes when I go and stops when I stop. I’ve also noticed that she doesn’t really enjoy the bit in her mouth nor the saddle on her back. I’ve ridden her bareback and with a bitless bridle, and even then I can tell she doesn’t enjoy it. But she does try her HEART out for me. So I tried “Liberty” with her/she did what I did and I gave her lots of treats. Today, the second day of doing Liberty, she jumped with me over a jump, I was so proud of her! I think that she would enjoy tackless riding from what I’ve experienced with her. I don’t want to do it for the amazing pictures, but I want to do it to better our relationship. Do you have any advice? Thank you so much for reading this! You’re such an inspiration to me.